No Regrets

Title: No Regrets
Author: rivermoon1970
Fandom:    Criminal Minds
: Aaron Hotchner, Spencer Reid, Jason Gideon
Pairings: Aaron Hotchner, Spencer Reid
Genre: Angst, Slow Burn
Rating: Explicit
Series: None
Beta: None
Word Count: 6282
Tags: MPreg, 17 year old Spencer, Canon divergent
Warnings: Canon character death, thought of suicide, grief

Aaron Hotchner was at the end of his emotional rope. When his pregnant wife Haley was killed by a hit-and-run driver Aaron didn’t think he could hold on. When a young man stopped him from committing suicide Aaron made a life-changing decision, he spent a night with the young man thinking he’d never see him again. When the boy sent him a note that he was pregnant, it changes Aaron’s whole life and possibly jeopardizes his career, but he doesn’t care. He can’t lose another child.

This first part of this story was originally just a short in the Angst War.

Aaron was sitting in his rental car in a darkened part of the CalTech covered parking. He knew no one could see him as he sat there, gun on his lap and the tears he had been holding in for weeks silently slipped down his face. Closing his eyes he put the gun under his chin and had his finger on the trigger. He sat like that for what seemed like forever to him, but he couldn’t do it. Oh he wanted to, he wanted to more than anything. His life was falling apart and he saw no other way out.

He was startled out of his thoughts by a knock on his window. At first he thought Gideon had found him, but he knew the man had gone back to the hotel. They had one more lecture planned, but he just didn’t see the point anymore. It felt as if the recruitment pool was getting younger and younger, or it could have just been his imagination, he wasn’t sure anymore. Sighing he rolled his window down and saw one of the young men from the lecture they had just given. It was the one who had a million questions, which had made Aaron almost smile, despite himself.

“Can I help you?” He looked into that too young face and wondered what his son would have looked like. The pain burned in him so hot and blinding at that thought that he shook inside.

“Are you okay?”

Aaron wasn’t sure why he did it. He knew he was in crisis, he also knew this kid could tempt him beyond reason and destroy what little of his life he had left. But, looking into that earnest, open face, Aaron reached out.

“No, not really.”

“Do, do you want to talk about it? I ah, I may ramble, but I’ve been told that I’m a good listener.” Aaron laid his head back on the carseat, studying the boy, contemplating. Sighing, he clicked the unlock and indicated with his head for the young man to join him.

“Do you mind if we get out of here? Go back to my hotel?”

The boy had gotten in, and as he was buckling up he bit his lip and Aaron knew what he was thinking.

“If I were a serial killer, I would have already done it.”

The boy laughed and Aaron let it wash over him.

“So you do have a sense of humor.” The boy smiled a bit as he looked at Aaron.

“I haven’t felt any humor in a long time.”

Aaron saw the boy was still contemplating, then after studying him some more, nodded his head yes. And Aaron was freaking the fuck out on the inside. On the outside, however, he started the car and made his way to the Hilton where he and Gideon were staying. Separate rooms, thank god. Though Aaron knew the risks he was taking, he just didn’t give a fuck.

The ride to the hotel was done in silence and Aaron was still freaking out. His hands gripped the wheel till the whites of his knuckles showed. A hand was laid on his thigh and just that touch made him shiver.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, which in reality on took less than ten minutes, he was pulling into the hotel parking lot.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even get your name.” Aaron turned to the boy.

“Spencer. Spencer Reid.”

“Spencer.” Aaron repeated, nodding to himself as he stepped out of the rental, still wondering what he was doing.

The boy, Spencer, was getting out also. They took the elevator up to the hotel lobby, then quickly made their way to the elevators that would take them to Aaron’s floor. The thought of getting caught terrified him, but there was a part of him that wanted this young man with him. As soon as the elevator doors shut, but after Aaron pushed the button for his floor, he found himself pushed against the wall of the elevator and soft, warm lips were crashing against his, as a hand gripped his tie. He was startled and his mouth dropped open allowing the boy’s tongue to thrust inside his mouth. Aaron moaned and gripped the boy’s too thin hips, pulling him against himself. Their cocks brushed and Aaron hissed at the contact. Thankfully, Spencer pulled away from him just-in-time for the elevator to Aaron’s floor opened, letting them out.

His eyes darted everywhere as he quickly walked to his door knowing he couldn’t stop this, even if he wanted to. He slipped the card in the lock and the two men went inside. Aaron had enough presence of mind to put the do not disturb sign on his door. Gideon, thankfully, wouldn’t think anything of it. He often liked to be alone and undisturbed. He flicked the lock on the door, then he was pushing the boy against the wall and started to devour his mouth. He was giving back as good as he had gotten in the elevator.

HIs hands quickly worked on Spencer’s trousers, getting them off him. There was a sad, desperate need working itself inside him. The need to take, to feel something other than the overwhelming sadness at the current state of his life. He dropped to his knees and took the boy’s half-hard cock in his mouth and moaned at the feeling. Gipping Spencer’s bony hips, keeping him against the wall, Aaron, sucked and bobbed his head. He heard Spencer’s panting, and moans as his tongue pressed against the cock in his mouth while his mouth moved up and down on it. He felt himself getting harder as he let go and tried to just feel.

“Fuck,” the boy screamed as hands gripped the sides of his head. Aaron didn’t just want this, he needed it. It was a living, clawing thing that had churned up in his gut. He hummed, against the cock as one hand left a hip and grabbed the boy’s balls, gently rolling them in his hands.

“Jesus, I’m gonna cum,” Spencer cried out as he slammed a hand against the wall. Aaron took the cock further in his mouth, letting the head slip down his throat and a moment later he felt the boy’s hot cum shoot down in his mouth. Letting a tear slip out, Aaron took everything Spencer had. Pulling back he surged up off his knees and once again plundered the boy’s mouth.

“I want to fuck you, I want it so bad. Can I Spencer? Can I fuck you?” Aaron couldn’t even believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. This were things he’d never even said to his wife. He shut his eyes against the memory of Haley as he held Spencer in his arms, that desperation inside him taking on a life of it’s own.

“Yes,” Spencer breathed out.

Aaron yanked him none too gently away from the wall and quickly stripped the boy till he was naked. He wasn’t slow and he wasn’t gentle. He wanted rough, he wanted pain and as he looked in Spencer’s eyes, a sneer on his face, he could tell the boy knew it too.

“I’m not going to break.” Aaron shoved him down on the bed and strode over to his go bag where he grabbed lube and a condom. He hadn’t even known at the time why he packed those things. It was done on autopilot, but he was grateful he had them now.

He threw them on the bed then stripped himself. He took a moment to let his gaze wander the body stretched out before him, almost wanton as Spencer stretched out. Aaron stopped questioning his decision and pounced.

After a few moments of more of that hot, hard kissing, he was practically humping against Spencer’s groin. He sat back and glared down knowing that his whole life would be over if he was caught in this one act, and right then he knew he just didn’t care anymore.

“Turn over on your hands and knees.” Spencer quickly obliged. As soon as he was in position Aaron thrust two slick fingers inside the boy’s hole, making him cry out. Aaron became even more desperate to bury himself inside that tight heat and chase all of his demons away. He quickly ripped the foil and rolled the condom onto his now achingly hard dick. He slicked up the condom just a little, then he was pushing inside. His breath caught in his throat and he had to wait a moment or else he would have cum right there and then.

Aaron pushed all the way in, then gripped the boy’s hips in a tight bruising hold. He didn’t hold back as he fucked into Spencer harder and harder. All of the pain he had been feeling these last few months welled up inside him and it made him growl as he pistoned in and out of Spencer, no longer caring about the boy, he only sought to quell the demons inside him. The screams and cries of the boy spurred Aaron on till he felt that familiar pull pooling inside his groin, just this side of painful. Shutting his eyes tight he slammed in hard, once, twice and on the third hard thrust he was cumming and growled as he clenched his jaw, releasing in the condom. After a moment he got his breath back and reached around and started to pump Spencer’s cock. He stayed buried in the boy’s ass and gloried in the painful clench of muscles around him as Spencer came onto the bedspread underneath him.

Letting his head fall back on his shoulder’s Aaron pulled his softening cock out of Spencer, then collapsed, sobbing as all that pain he had been holding onto broke wide open. He cried even harder when Spencer wrapped around him, holding him through his purge.

When he finally spent and found his voice once again Aaron told Spencer what had happened.

“My wife, she was pregnant with our first child. I was on a case when I got the call. She had been out picking up things for the baby when a drunk driver ran a stop light, striking her, killing her and our baby. I…” A fresh wave of tears threatened to fall and Spencer gently brushed them away. “I haven’t felt like going on without her. Gideon is afraid of me doing something stupid in the field, and frankly so am I. I just…”

Spencer cupped his cheek, and leaned in kissing him.

“The only way you are going to move on is to let it all out. Let yourself heal and let go of the guilt you are feeling for not being there.”

Aaron shut his eyes tight against the pain. A part of him wanted to wrap around Spencer and let himself get lost in the boy, but he knew reality was going to kick in and when it did, it was going to hurt.

“I know I should have asked before, but, just how old are you?”

Aaron could see the minor war going on as it played out on Spencer’s face.

“Don’t lie to me, I want to know just how badly I’ve compromised myself.” Aaron tried for a self-deprecating smile and knew he fell short.

Spencer swallowed a few times before he answered.


“Fuck.” Aaron wiped his face and though guilt pooled in his gut, he knew he wouldn’t have taken any of it back. He knew the boy was young, he also knew he was underage, but frankly he just didn’t give a fuck.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” Aaron touched Spencer’s face with shaking fingers. The boy caught his hand and kissed each finger, soft, tender and the highly intimate moment was breaking Aaron’s heart. He surged off the bed and went to the bathroom to take a shower. Pulling off the condom, he knotted it and wrapped it in tissue and threw it out. He would remember to take the trash with him and dump it elsewhere.

It didn’t surprise him when he was under the hot spray of water that Spencer had joined him. They quickly washed-up, dried off then fell back into bed. Aaron just held Spencer close to him, needing that physical contact.

When it got late they ordered room service and Aaron was again thankful that Gideon left him alone. He really wasn’t in the mood for the older man’s condemnation.

After eating and watching some television, Aaron once again took Spencer. They turned to each other several times during the night and finally fell asleep in the very wee hours of the morning.

The knock on his door surprised him. Aaron threw the covers over Spencer’s still sleeping form and grabbed the hotel robe that was draped over a chair. He opened the door just slightly and saw Gideon there.

“Didn’t see you at all after the lecture. Was wondering if everything was okay.”

“I’m fine Jason.”

Gideon studied him a moment and tried to look past his shoulder. There would be no hiding that there was someone else with him. A raised brow had Aaron’s heart jumping in his chest. Thankfully the man made no comments.

“Wanted to see if you want to get breakfast. Our plane doesn’t leave for another four hours.”

“Sure. Give me an hour?”

“You sure you’re okay Hotch? I know the last few months…” Aaron was glad that Gideon didn’t finish that sentence.

“Yes, everything is fine.” Aaron gave a small smile he knew didn’t reach his eyes.

“Okay. Lobby in an hour.” Then the man was gone and Aaron sighed his relief.

When he turned around he saw that Spencer was getting dressed. Aaron was almost disappointed that he couldn’t have the boy one more time before they departed.

“For what it’s worth I think your colleague is worried about you. I think you need to talk about this and stop letting it build-up. You have things to live for Aaron, you just need to give yourself a break and let go of the guilt over something that wasn’t your fault.” Spencer walked over to him and wrapped his hands around Aaron’s hips, leaned in and kissed him. “I hope that these last few hours helped in some way.”

Aaron looked at the boy, then lifted his hand and cupped his cheek, “You have no idea Spencer.” Then, that impulsive side that Aaron had been indulging in reared up once more. “Come back with me? I…I don’t want to let you go.” A different pain welled up in him at the thought of leaving Spencer behind.

“I can’t, Aaron. I have too much to finish here. But, I’ll never regret this, just so you know.” Aaron laid his forehead against Spencer’s and took a few shaky breaths.

“Neither will I,” he whispered and knew the words were true. Finally he pulled back and wiped a hand down his face. He grabbed his wallet from the nightstand and turned back to Spencer.

“I want to at least buy you breakfast. Do you want a ride anywhere?”

“No, I know the best ways to get around the city. We aren’t even that far away and I like the walk.”

Aaron pulled out some money and pressed it into Spencer’s hand.

“At least buy yourself a meal.”

“I wasn’t looking for money. I’m not a prostitute Aaron.”

“No, no I, I know, that’s not what I meant. I mean, I would have taken you out anyway for breakfast, but, I, I have to go meet…”

Spencer chuckled and shook his head. “Okay, thank you.”

“No, thank you.” Aaron pressed his business card that had his personal cell written on the back. An unspoken gesture letting Spencer know he could call. The boy kissed him on the cheek, grabbed his bag and left. Aaron rubbed just below his heart, wondering why it was breaking all over again.

Getting himself together he dressed and put his go bag to rights. He did his routine check of the hotel, grabbed the bathroom trash and balled it up, then left. He stopped on a random floor and found one of the cleaning carts where he buried the bag in the trash. His heart pounding the whole time.

Gathering himself together he got back on the elevator and went to meet Gideon for breakfast.

Three Months Later

Aaron was sitting in his office finishing up some reports when Anderson came in with his mail. He set it aside till he was done, which ended up being much later than he anticipated. Finally he sifted through it and one piece stuck out at him, making his heart pound. The name of the sender was Spencer Reid.

With shaking hands Aaron opened it up and pulled out the sheet of paper. Only two words were on it and they were words that could ruin what he had left of his life.

I’m pregnant.

Aaron didn’t know what he was doing. He had asked for a short leave of absence and thankfully Gideon agreed. His Unit Chief thought he had needed some time off, but he would be shocked to know the real reason. He stood in the Burbank Airport waiting for his bags to come around on the carousel. He had opened a secure e-mail account on his personal laptop and kept in communication with Spencer. He got to know the boy a little more through their correspondence. He also sent him money, which he hoped Spencer was using. Deep in thought and pacing around the outside of the luggage carousel Aaron almost missed his bags. He snapped out of his thoughts, grabbed them then went to pick-up the rental car he had reserved. Finally when he was all set, he made his way to his hotel.

As soon as he got there and got settled he called to let Spencer know he was there and which hotel he was at. Spencer said that he would meet him later in the day as he was trying to put the final touches on his science dissertation. His topic had been accepted after he submitted the second draft. Now, all he needed to do was polish it up and submit it to defend it. Aaron was proud of him, though they barely knew each other, he couldn’t help the feelings of pride he had towards the younger man.

Aaron was restless, and it was going to be a few hours before Spencer showed-up, so he decided to do some window shopping. The small, but charming boutique hotel that his friend Dave had talked him into wasn’t typically something Aaron would book for himself, but the place put a smile on his face and he really needed it. Strolling through the streets he went into the open air mall and walked around. He stopped in front of the children’s store and his heart constricted. Warring emotions deep inside had him both happy and sad at the same time. With a shaking hand he reached for the door and opened it. He wasn’t even sure why he was there. Slowly he perused the store, his fingers ghosting over the baby boy clothes and Aaron fought back the tears and the sharp pain that pierced his heart.

“Sir, may I help you find something?” Aaron turned and looked at the woman and almost sent her away. He didn’t know why he asked the next question, it was almost as if he was on autopilot.

“Um, yes. Do…” he wiped his face and took a moment. He was about to ask then question when the woman’s expression turned soft and understanding.

“I’m so sorry for your loss. Did you need something that would help? We actually have several books that are excellent on recovery.”

“How did you know?” He frowned as he clenched his other hand to his side.

“I’ve been doing this a long-time. I’m the owner here, and I’ve seen a lot of grieving parents. There are…well, little signs that I see in most people that have lost a child.”

Aaron swallowed hard and almost laughed to himself. The woman could be a damn profiler.

“Thank you, I ah, I’d appreciate that.” The woman smiled again and led him to a rather extensive set of bookshelves that had books on everything from how to get pregnant, to baby names, to child care and more. She showed him the section on grief and loss and made several suggestions. Then he saw the section on male pregnancies. He thanked the woman, then looked through the books that she had suggested. Normally, Aaron wouldn’t even entertain the thought of self-help books, but it had been almost a year and he knew he needed to do something. He was at a standstill and he knew he needed to move on. Especially if he wanted to be there for Spencer.

Taking the plunge Aaron chose two books, one written by a man who lost his wife and child during a difficult birth, and another who had recovered from an accident. He rubbed at his stomach, trying to calm the churning in his gut. After a moment he looked at the section with books on male pregnancies and grabbed what looked good. As he was walking back he saw the stuffed animal section and right in front was a soft looking lamb. He didn’t know what possessed him, but he grabbed it and added it to his other things.

“These are both excellent, and I hope they do help. Though I hope you are talking to someone as well. It’s never easy to go through this alone.”

“I ah, I don’t really have anyone, but I’m trying, thank you for the recommendations.”

“You’re welcome. And congratulations?” The owner said as she was slipping his purchases in a bag.

“Um, it’s complicated.” He really didn’t want to get into a discussion with a stranger over his situation.

“Oh sweetie, it always is. Here you go, and good luck.” Aaron took the bag and let out a small smile then walked out of the store. He was barely holding on and all he wanted to do was to get back to his hotel and lay down.

The walk back was filled with too many memories for Aaron and by the time he was putting his key card in the door, he was staggering under the weight of his grief. Throwing the books on the small settee, Aaron moved into the bathroom where he ran cool water in the sink and washed his face. Gripping the sides he knew he needed to get a hold of himself, Spencer would be there soon. He needed to put on a strong front. Standing he grabbed a towel and wiped his face, took a few deep breaths then went back to the bedroom.

Before laying out on the bed, Aaron grabbed the bag and set it next to him. He pulled the lamb out and held it in his hands. Fresh tears pricked the corners of his eyes as held the stuffed animal, his thoughts turning once again to his lost child. Jack had been loved the moment they had known Haley was pregnant. Aaron had been looking forward to being a father, that’s why he was here. He felt like this was a second chance. He didn’t care that there was a lot at stake, all he cared about was that Spencer was pregnant, and he would be a father. Wiping his eyes he set the stuffed animal aside and opened one of the books on grief.

Aaron lost all track of time as he read. He wasn’t sure if this was helping or not, but someone else out there knew his pain, knew how hard it was to move on and that knowledge did ease the ache that still clutched at his heart. The knock on the door startled him. He looked at his watch and saw it was the time that Spencer was meeting him. Taking a deep breath Aaron moved to the door and opened it.

“Aaron. Hello.” Spencer looked as nervous as he felt. He stood aside and waved the boy inside.

“Spencer.” Aaron turned to fully look at the younger man. What little breath he had was knocked out of him when he looked at Spencer and the bulge of his stomach. He wasn’t even aware of what he was doing when he dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around Spencer, pressing his face against the younger man’s belly. When he felt hesitant hands in his hair, he held on tighter and broke down, sobbing against the boy.

“Aaron,” Spencer whispered as he gentled his fingers in Aaron’s hair. He didn’t know what to do, or how to help, so he just let the older man purge his emotions.

Several long minutes later Aaron pulled back and felt the heat of embarrassment flush his cheeks. He turned his face up to look at Spencer with furrowed brow.

“I…I’m sorry.”

The soft, compassionate look on Spencer’s face almost broke him even more. But, he tamped down on the emotions as he stood and pulled the younger man into his arms.

“You don’t have to be sorry Aaron. I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you.”

Aaron struggled with himself to let Spencer go, but finally he did. He knew they had a lot to talk about.

“Me, I, I’m more worried about you. Are you really okay Spencer? Do…do you really want this?” Aaron laid a hand on Spencer’s bulge. He didn’t want to push, the boy had every right to make whatever decision was right for him.

Sighing Spencer pulled away and settled his hands on his stomach, then sat down on one of the chairs next to the little bistro table.

“I’ve done nothing but think about this. It’s already almost five months. If I had wanted to I would have taken care of things and never told you, Aaron. After knowing what you’ve been through, I don’t think I could have done it. Now, I’m committed. I…I want this, I do, but there are things you should know.” Spencer sat back in the chair he was in and closed his eyes a moment.

“I’ll be turning eighteen in a few weeks.” Spencer looked Aaron in the face, “I’m going to be committing my mother to Bennington Sanitarium in Las Vegas. She’s a paranoid schizophrenic and I can’t take care of her anymore.”

“Where’s your father Spencer?”

The boy looked down at his belly and lightly rubbed. “He left us. When I was ten years old. He left me alone to take care of a sick mother who was only getting worse. Don’t, don’t worry, she never hurt me. Not physically, anyway. She loves me and I love her. I’ve tried to protect her, but, she needs more care than I can give.”

Aaron knew all too well the struggles schizophrenics encounter because of his job. He couldn’t imagine what Spencer had been through.

“What can I do? How can I help?” Aaron did want to help. The boy was having his child for godsake. He wanted, no needed to help him.

Spencer took a moment before he answered.

“I…I don’t know, to be honest. My father didn’t actually divorce my mother and he kept up the insurance, that coupled with her retirement and disability, Bennington will be covered. I already worked with the financial counselor, but I can’t sign any papers till I’m officially eighteen. I need to go back to Vegas and take care of it.”

Taking Spencer’s hand in his own Aaron ran his thumb over his knuckles, thinking.

“Do you want me to go with you?”

“Why? Why would you want to?” Spencer frowned at him.

Aaron stood and grabbed the other chair and sat closer to Spencer.

“I don’t want to just be the baby’s father Spencer. I want to be your friend as well. I know…I know what all this means, I know, when it comes out, I’ll be investigated, but I don’t care. I want both of you in my life, in whatever capacity you want. I want to help take care of you, and if that involves going to help you with your Mother, I want to be there.”

Aaron could see the struggle on Spencer’s face. Then a small smile graced the corners of his mouth and he leaned forward, taking Aaron’s hand.

“I’d like that. I don’t have many friends, and it would be important for the baby.” Spencer bit his lip and rubbed his belly.

Aaron surged off the chair and went to the bed, grabbing the lamb he handed it to Spencer, tension in his body as he held it out.

“I…I saw this in the kids shop. I’ve been reading on male pregnancies and how they are slightly different from females and what to expect.” He was breathing hard as he waited for Spencer to take the toy from him.

“It’s adorable. Thank you.”

“I ah, I’m going to be here for the week. You had said in your last e-mail that you had an appointment to see your OB…” Aaron sat and bowed his head. He felt like he was pushing his needs onto Spencer and that wasn’t what he wanted. He was fumbling all of this so badly. It hurt that Spencer was so far away and he couldn’t be there more.

He ran a hand through his hair as he tried to control his breathing and felt Spencer sitting on the floor in front of him. Spencer reached out and cupped his cheek and gently lifted his head.

“Would you like to go with me?” The smile on Spencer’s face told Aaron it wasn’t asked out of pity.

“Yes. Yes, I would.” Aaron’s stomach growled and he realized he hadn’t eaten almost all day. “Are you hungry? Would you like to get something to eat?”

“Sure. But only if we can go to Tops Burger. I have a serious craving for their Chili Cheese Fries.” Aaron chuckled and shook his head.

“Just tell me how to get there.” Aaron stood and grabbed his wallet and keys to the rental car. They walked in silence till they got to the car, then Spencer gave him directions to the local burger joint. When they stepped inside Aaron was impressed by the menu. It was quite eclectic and the food coming out of the kitchen looked delicious. In the end Aaron got a bacon cheeseburger, Spencer got their famous pastrami sandwich and they opted to share the fries. Sitting down in a booth after getting drinks, the silence didn’t feel as awkward as it should have.

“How much longer do you have for school?”

“No much. I’ve turned in my dissertation and am waiting for a decision and a date for my defense. I was assured it wouldn’t take long.”

“Do you know what you want to do?”

Spencer chuckled and shook head. “I have no idea. I’ll be eighteen, a father with three doctorates and no idea what in the hell I want to do.”

Aaron took a bite of the fries and almost moaned at the taste of them.

“Wow. These are amazing.”

Spencer laughed as he took a healthy bite of his pastrami. “Its a local favorite. They have a secret menu too. You can get the fries with crispy pastrami on top, or even fried eggs.”

“That sounds like a  heart attack on a plate.”

“Says the man eating a bacon cheeseburger.” Spencer teased back.

Aaron looked at the boy across from him and thoughts were pinging all through his head. Before he knew what he was saying he swallowed then asked a question that surprised even him.

“Come back with me. Right now I have just an apartment, but, we could look for a house. I’ve got money, Spencer….wait, I know how that sounds, it just means that until you’re settled, you could take your time finding what you want to do. I don’t want to be a long-distance father I want to be with our child and I want to get to know you better.”

Spencer put down his sandwich and sat back in the booth. Wiping his hands on a napkin he grabbed his drink and took a long sip trying to clear his throat. Aaron watched him the whole time in anticipation.

“What if I said no. What if I wanted to stay here in the LA area or go back home to Vegas?”

Aaron took his time to consider the question. Could he give-up the BAU? Could he sacrifice everything he had worked so hard for? He knew getting into another FBI office wouldn’t be difficult, it just wouldn’t be the BAU. Then he thought of the distance and only knowing his child through phone calls and social media. He didn’t want that.

“Then I’d move. I’d transfer to whatever FBI office was closest to you. I don’t want to only know my child through phone calls and e-mails, Spencer. I want to be there, as much as I can.”

Aaron felt that Spencer was studying him, scrutinizing him. It was unnerving that a seventeen year old was so very adult. It also made Aaron sad that Spencer never really had a childhood. Growing-up too fast, much like he had. Several minutes passed, but Aaron wasn’t going to push. He picked at the fries and waited as his heart pounded hard in his chest.


“Okay?” Aaron tried to not look hopeful, but he was.

“The fact that you were willing to sacrifice a part of your life to be with us,” Spencer spread his fingers over his belly and smiled. “Tells me that you’re serious. So, yes. I’ll come with you to DC.”

Aaron kept his emotions in check as he nodded at Spencer. He had a few arrangements to make and so did Spencer. By the end of the week, after going to the Doctors, making arrangements with CalTech about his dissertation defense and many other little things they had to do, they were quite tired by the time they boarded the plane. Each one lost in their own thoughts as their plans became very real. Fears and insecurities crept in, but they didn’t talk about it, at least not yet. Aaron knew that they did need to talk, but he wasn’t even sure where to start. By the time he was driving them to his apartment, knowing that a bigger place was going to be needed, Aaron was truly terrified. The feelings didn’t abate as he let Spencer into his apartment, the two of them exhausted from the travel. Aaron showed the younger man to the guest room where Spencer thanked him then laid out on the bed, tired from the travelling.

Aaron went to his own room and felt slightly at a loss. He and Spencer had practically shared the hotel room when Spencer turned in his dorm keys. They had slept in the same bed, though they were fully clothed. Aaron sighed as he remembered the couple of mornings when he woke to the boy snuggled against him, and his arm was slung around his waist. He wasn’t sure if it was just the years having been with Haley, or if it was Spencer himself. Aaron was a ball of confusion on what he wanted. Past having a healthy baby, and being a father to the child, he wasn’t sure what he wanted.

Drifting to sleep Aaron didn’t notice when Spencer crawled into bed with him and snuggled up to him, breathing deep the boy fell asleep as well in the comforting arms of Aaron.

Monday morning had Aaron walking into Gideon’s office, shutting the door and sitting in a chair across from his boss.

“Ready to talk?”

“I don’t even know where to start, but yes.”

Gideon leaned back in his chair his eyes almost boring right to the core of Aaron. “Does this have anything to do with the CalTech seminar?”

“Yes. I…did something that could quite possibly end my career.”

Gideon raised his brows and cocked his head to the side. He rocked in his chair a moment before saying anything.

“Was it illegal?”

“Jason, don’t. I very much have a feeling you know exactly what I am talking about.”

“Alright. That morning when I came to get you, I saw the body in your bed Aaron. I didn’t push. I know you’re still grieving. But the way you were acting, I wondered.”

Aaron scrubbed his face and slouched uncharacteristically in his chair.

“It was the young man that asked all the questions. The one that piqued your interest.”

“Spencer Reid?”

“Dr. Spencer Reid. He already has two PhD’s and is going to be defending for his third in a couple of weeks.”

“Aaron…” Gideon leaned forward, not even knowing what to say. “The kid is only…”

“Seventeen. I know, I know. That isn’t all of it.” Taking a really deep breath Aaron knew he needed to get it all out. “He’s a carrier, and he’s pregnant. I swear we used protection. But, I’m not sure… and yes we did a paternity test, he insisted.” Aaron blew out a breath as he sat back in the chair and looked down at his hands. “I…brought him to DC. I can’t let him go Jason.” Aaron looked up again as he beat back the rising emotions.

Gideon studied him for a while, not saying anything for a moment.

“Okay. What do you need Aaron?