“Let it go, let it go, can’t hold it back anymore, let it go, let it go, turn away and slam the door,”“JAYJE” Reid and Aaron yelled at the pretty blonde at the same time.“What?” she asked looking up at the two of them startled.
“Please, for the love of all that is holy, stop singing that song,” Reid begged.
The team was on the plane heading to a new case. They had just finished going over all the details and each of them was sitting back and trying to relax. JJ had been flipping through a magazine and she was unconsciously singing the currently popular song.
“What’s wrong pretty boy?” Morgan asked laughing at the young man.
“Oh let’s see, JJ decided to give Sarah Jane the movie Frozen. We have been subjected to that movie, let’s see, Hotch?” Reid knew, but he wanted to see if his partner remembered.
“57 times, that’s what we’re up to now. 57 times. Jack now runs from the living room screaming when she asks to watch it.” Hotch glared at her, “I should hate you for this.”
Kate looked between the three of them and busted out laughing, “Oh, well I had to endure countless views of The Little Mermaid when Meg was in her Disney mode.”
“Jessica wanted to put a hit out on you, thankfully we talked her down from it. You owe her something nice.”
“Come on guys, it can’t be that bad,” She looked at the two men both glaring at her, “I guess it can.” She said under her breath as she looked back down at her magazine and a small smile graced her lips.
“I could always bring her Beauty and the Beast,” She said wickedly.
“NO,” they both shout at the same time.
Spencer and Aaron were on a date at a nice quiet restaurant when he looked at Aaron pensively.
“Spencer, you okay?” Aaron asked with a tiny bit of worry in his voice.
“Two years and I’ve never actually asked you about,” Spencer frowned, “Why you let me seduce you that day.” Spencer blushed deeply. “I mean, I really…well a part of me thought you were going to hit me.” He looked at his partner sheepishly.
“Yet you still were brave enough to try.” Aaron smiled crookedly, “What are you trying to ask me, Spence?” Aaron waited patiently.
“Well, you always seemed straighter than straight. Am I-I mean was I your first?” Spencer took a drink of water to help his now dry throat, “You know, man?” Spencer asked nervously.
Aaron took a long time to answer. He’d always been pretty private but there’d always been something about Spencer that let him be more honest with him than he was with Dave.
“Honestly?” Spencer watched Aaron with apprehension, “No, you weren’t my first male relationship. Haley and I had broken up just before college. While I was there I had a couple of boyfriends.” Aaron smiled at the memories, “When Haley and I got back together I told her everything. She was a little shocked.” He picked up his wine and took a drink, “She was jealous of you.”
Spencer’s eyes widened, “What? You never told me that.” Then horror filled his eyes, “I wasn’t…I mean I didn’t,”
Aaron grabbed Spencer’s hand “No you weren’t responsible for her leaving. It was the job, and she perceived my feelings for you, but none of that was your fault.” He smiled wickedly, “Actually Haley was my first.”
Spencer sputtered on his wine, “What?” Spencer looked wide-eyed at Aaron, “Oh,” As realization dawned.
Several years in the future:
Spencer sat in a chair next to the bed his husband, lover, and best friend was lying in. He had fallen asleep reading. His pace had slowed down over the years as he learned how to enjoy the reading process more.
“Spencer,” Aaron reached for his husband’s hand, gripping it.
Spencer jolted awake, “Aaron, you’re awake.” He smiled.
“You have to promise me something,” Aaron said in a raspy voice born of old age.
“What?” The younger man looked on with fear and trepidation.
“You have to promise me you’ll let them take care of you. You have to promise you won’t fade away.” Aaron watched the play of emotions on Spencer’s face.
“Aaron, I-I,” Spencer started crying, this was the part he feared, the promises he knew Aaron was going to ask him.
“Don’t cry, love. You’ll have them looking out for you. Wrap our children and grandchildren around you, don’t fade away, please.” Aaron let the tears fall. He wasn’t afraid for himself anymore. He was losing the last fight with cancer and he resigned himself to his fate. It was his husband he was worried about.
“Okay, Aaron, I promise,” He bent down and kissed him softly.
Later that night as Aaron slept and Spencer curled around him he silently passed. Spencer wasn’t asleep and he felt it when the love of his life left this world behind. Spencer silently sobbed closing his eyes and holding Aaron for the last time.
When the doctor and nurses came rushing in a few minutes later they turned off the monitors and knew there was nothing more they could do for Aaron Hotchner. When they went to shake Spencer he didn’t respond. The doctor couldn’t revive him.
Sometimes there are promises you just can’t keep.
It was their worst fight ever. Luckily the children were with Jessica for the weekend. Words were said that could never be taken back. But Aaron was the one that delivered the deadly blow. He brought up Spencer’s addiction.
Spencer stared at Aaron wide-eyed and stricken, “Aaron, how could you?” His breath was short, his heart was stuttering in his chest. No one moved for what seemed like forever.
“Spencer,” Aaron realized what he said. He was frozen in place and he didn’t know how to fix this.
Spencer grabbed his messenger bag and his keys and flew out the door.
Aaron started to go after him.
“Don’t,” Spencer told him. He drove off leaving Aaron staring after him.
Aaron found him at Garcia’s curled up on the couch broken and crying.
“What did you do to my baby genius?” Garcia was angry at her boss.
“Let me talk to him Garcia, please?” He asked pleadingly.
“Okay, but you better not hurt him more than he already is.” She gave her boss a Hotchner-worthy glare.
“I’m going to try to fix this.” He walked past her. She silently left so the two men could have some privacy.
“Spencer, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He got down on his knees next to the couch.
“That’s not going to fix this.” Spencer sat up staring hard at his lover.
“I know, I know but I love you and I was stupid. I’m so sorry. Please come home.”
Spencer looked into Aaron’s eyes and saw he was broken too.
“I’ll come home, but Aaron,”
“Something’s broken between us and it’s going to take a while to fix it.”
Aaron closed his eyes and he let the tears escape.
“I’m not running away this time Spencer. We’ll fix this, together.”
Aaron and Spencer were still reeling from their fight. They were both trying to get over the hurt words thrown at each other. Neither knew where it had come from which was the crux of the problem. But now, it was spilling into the case and it was Rossi who made the bold move to try to break the tension.
“What the hell is going on with you two?” The three of them were locked in the conference room alone.
“We had a fight, we both said things we shouldn’t have and we’re having a hard time getting past it,” Aaron told Dave.
“Reid, you okay?” Rossi saw that Spencer was sitting on a table in the corner of the room hunched over a file.
“He threw,” He looked up with such pain in his eyes that it broke Aaron’s heart again, “My addiction in my face.”
Rossi looked at Aaron “You’re an idiot.” The tension in the room was still there.
Aaron walked over, took Reid’s face in his hands, “I’m so sorry Spencer. Nothing can make it up to you, but I am sorry.” He bent down and kissed him softly, tenderly.
“What’s worse is you haven’t, you know, touched me, since.” Reid stuttered out.
“I thought you wouldn’t want me to, at least not yet.”
Rossi was beginning to get uncomfortable around this conversation.
Reid uncurled his body and stood up, grabbing Aaron around the waist, “But I do want you to.” His lips came crashing down on Aaron’s in hot needy kisses.
“And that’s my cue to leave. Do you two want to get a room?” Rossi smirked at the two of them.
They broke apart laughing at the senior profiler, “No, I think we’ll be fine. Spencer?”
“Yes, we’ll be just fine Aaron.”
Breathe, Reid thought after he came hard in Aaron’s hand. Looking into the eyes of his fiancé and kissing him deeply and passionately.
Breathe, Reid thought after watching Aaron telling off an uncooperative detective. The thrill of his unit chief’s arrogance going right to his core.
Breathe, Reid thought while watching Aaron on a run, the beauty of Aaron’s ecstasy while enjoying the exercise was just sometimes too much and Reid forgot to breathe.
Breathe, Reid thought as he watched Aaron with their children, laughing with them, caring for them, cuddling with them and yes even disciplining them when needed. Nothing was sexier than watching Aaron loving the two precious beings.
Breathe, Reid thought as he watched Aaron talking down a particularly violent unsub, trying to get in the other man’s head and working him so that they wouldn’t have to kill him.
Breathe, Reid thought as they sat across from each other at a particularly romantic restaurant, watching Aaron sip wine and slowly enjoy the superbly delicious meal.
Breathe, Reid thought as he watched Aaron and Rossi in a debate over the different meanings of Sociopath vs Psychopath, Aaron’s hands gesturing wildly making Reid’s eyes go dark with lust thinking about what those hands could do.
Breathe, Reid thought as he watched Aaron comfort a victim, his compassion lacing every word.
Breathe, Reid thought as he watched his lover’s face in the throes of passion as his eyes darkened, and his mouth opened just so in the moments before release.
Breathe, Reid thought as Aaron held him tight while they danced slowly together in their living room, jazz softly playing in the background and their arms wrapped around each other.
Breathe, Reid thought as he looked in Aaron’s eyes and said, “I love you.”
The Reid-Hotchner family was on a mini-vacation, it was early spring and they were at a private cabin in the Allegheny mountain’s taking a break from the city.
Spencer and Aaron were sitting next to each other on a porch swing watching the children play near the water. Jack being careful not to let Sarah get too close.
“Aaron,” Spencer looked softly at his partner, “Do you have any regrets, you know, about us?”
Aaron swayed gently as the warm breeze played against his skin, he looked at Spencer, the sun had been good for him. His hair lightened and his skin had a new warm glow to it. Aaron smiled as he watched the breeze catch Spencer’s hair and gently blew it around the younger man’s face.
“Only one Spencer,” A bright smile crossed his face as he looked at the man who had become everything to him.
“What is it?” Spencer’s brow furrowed in worry.
“That I didn’t listen to my heart sooner. That I let too much time go by not telling you how I felt.” He laced his fingers through Spencer’s. “I wouldn’t trade these last two years for anything, but I wish I’d had the courage to have even more memories.” He raised their hands and kissed the back of Spencer’s hand.
The sun glistened on the water gently and the children sat with their feet in the water, faces turned up to the sun with wide smiles. They both turned to look at their fathers waving their hands, brown skin glowing from both children.
Aaron smiled wide, he hadn’t ever truly been this happy and it made him rethink, “No Spencer, at this moment I have no regrets.” Spencer flashed his boyish smile and Aaron fell in love all over again.
It was a quiet affair, mostly just the team and their families or significant others. Jack was dressed handsomely in a tux and Sarah Jane was excited over her new outfit. Spencer and Aaron stood under a beautiful arch in the backyard of Rossi’s mansion and said vows, exchanged rings, and made promises to each other. When they were presented to their friends as Mr. and Dr. Reid-Hotchner there were smiles and cheers from everyone. No one begrudged them their happiness. God knows that if anyone deserved second chances at love it was the two men standing in front of them.
They sat at a table just for them and the children, and everyone came by throughout the evening to give them hugs and words of congratulations.
When it came time for the customary dance Spencer was nervous, but he’d been practicing and when Aaron took him in his arms he suddenly didn’t care how he looked. He swayed with his partner to the slow romantic song as his head fell on Aaron’s shoulder as Aaron held him tightly around the waist. They whispered words of love and kissed passionately as the mood overtook them.
Watching the two men sway with each other put tears in the eyes of some of their friends, the love that was shining through caught them all and their hearts stopped for just a moment. Everyone on the team secretly made a vow to always protect them so that they’d always come home to each other.
When the music stopped and they broke apart the spell wasn’t broken as Aaron laid a hand on Spencer’s cheek and said, “I love you Dr. Spencer Reid-Hotchner.” His smile showed everything he was feeling at that moment.
“And I love you Mr. Aaron Reid-Hotchner.” This was their forever.
Aaron was away on a custodial with Rossi. So it just happened that Spencer was alone with the children when the rain outside turned torrential and caused a blackout.
“Damn, damn, damn not now,” Spencer cried out, a little panic in his voice. He was on the couch with Sarah Jane, they had been cuddled up reading together.
“Papa, what’s wrong?” The little girl asked.
“Nothing,” Spencer’s squeaked.
“Papa, are you okay? It’s just dark Dad says there’s nothing to be afraid of.” Jack said from across the room where he’d been doing some homework.
“Um, yeah, yeah I know that,” Spencer stiffened up at all the things that could go wrong in the dark.
Sarah Jane giggled, “Papa, are you afraid of the dark?” She asked with amusement in her voice.
He was about to lie and say no but Spencer couldn’t do that, “Yes sweetheart, I am afraid of the dark.”
“But nothing bad is going to happen Papa.” She grabbed him around the waist, “Jack-Jack and I will protect you.”
Spencer didn’t want to tell his children that bad things actually did happen in the dark and that was where a lot of his fear came from. He knew all too well what could happen in the dark so when the phone rang and he squeaked, his heart rated jumped and he curled up tighter the kids just watched in amusement.
Jack grabbed the phone, “It’s Dad, Papa.” He handed Spencer the phone.
“Aaron, when are you coming home?” Spencer couldn’t quite keep the fear out of his voice.
“Spence, are you okay?” Aaron asked apprehensively.
“Blackout,” The children had gotten flashlights and cuddled with Spencer.
“You okay?” Aaron asked knowing Spencer’s fear of the dark.
“I will be,” He said as he held the children close.
Kate reflected back on what happened back in the prison when she felt someone sit next to her. The team was flying back home and she had closed herself off, not wanting to talk.
“Did I ever tell you what happened in Georgia?” She turned to look at Reid. All eyes snapped up at the mention of Georgia and those that were there were surprised because he never talked about it.
“Um, no,” Kate said confusion clearly written on her face.
Spencer proceeded to tell her everything and the tension in the plane was palpable. No one ever heard him tell the whole story to anyone and all except Rossi and Kate were on edge.
“Spencer,” Her eyes showed the horror she felt at what the genius had gone through. “Why did you tell me this?”
He smiled sadly, “To let you know that I understand. I understand what it feels like to have someone else take control of your life and hold a weapon to your head and you feel like there is nothing you can do. You were held captive Kate and it’s terrifying. But, it will be the way that you handle it that will affect you the most.”
She frowns deeply, “How did you handle it?”
“Not well. I kept it all inside and I did this to myself,” He shows her the scars from his drug addiction. “You’ll have nightmares, let someone help you.” He takes her hand in his, “The point is, you’re not alone. Talk to someone, cry, yell, let it out. Then and only then will you be able to move past it.” She buried her head in his chest and silently cried.
Aaron looked at Spencer and he knew he had some caring to do himself.
Spencer’s messenger bag was often a mystery to most of the team. They knew he kept stuff that was important to him, but they never knew exactly what. One day he was in the conference room sitting on the table with his bag empty beside him and all the things spread out in front of him.
Aaron walked in and was confused at what Spencer was doing.
“Spencer, what are you doing?” Aaron asked with amusement in his voice.
Spencer contemplated the items before him.
“You guys wonder what I carry in here. I know you’ve wanted to ask me.” He looked at his husband with a smile on his face.
The rest of the team filtered in and watched in curiosity.
“The letter Gideon left me and his chess piece,” He picked them up and put them off to the side.
“Alex’s badge,” He ran his hand over it smiling remembering how happy he was when she was with them.
“Henry’s Spiderman, Jack’s Superman, and Sarah Jane’s Adipose,” He held the toys to his chest.
“A bracelet from Elle,” He looked fondly at the jewelry.
“A birthday card from my mom,” He opened it and smiled.
“Maeve’s book,” He looked worriedly at Aaron, who just smiled at him.
“One of Garcia’s troll dolls,” He held it up giving her an impish smile.
“JJ’s old press pass,” He set it aside.
“Morgan’s whistle,” He laughed at the look on Morgan’s face.
“The first Rossi book signing I ever went to,” A brochure from an old event.
“The letter you gave me Aaron,” It was a letter Aaron gave Spencer telling him all the things he felt from two years prior.
“These are what I carry with me all the time, to keep you guys with me all the time.”
“You still carry her book.” Spencer’s legs were on Aaron’s lap and he was massaging his husband’s bad knee. He had taken a bad fall on their last case and it was paining Spencer.
“Yes,” Spencer looked down at his hands lost in thought, “Does it bother you?” He asked in almost a whispered voice.
“No, no it doesn’t. You loved her Spencer I would never take that away from you.” Aaron could see that something was bothering Spencer but he didn’t push. “If you need to talk about it Spence I’ll always listen.”
“Today’s the third anniversary,” Spencer closed his eyes and laid his head back on the couch. He loved Aaron more than anything but it didn’t diminish what he felt for Maeve. He tried not to cry because he didn’t know how Aaron would take it.
Aaron could see the struggle on the younger man’s face, “Spencer I love you so much more than I could ever tell you, but I know you loved her. I know it was different and unconventional but it doesn’t mean the feelings weren’t, aren’t real. I think you will always love her.” He reached over and cupped Spencer’s cheek letting him know it was okay.
“Do you,” Spencer frowned not sure if he wanted to hear the answer but he asked it anyway, “Do you still love Haley?” For some reason, Spencer was apprehensive about the answer.
“I won’t lie, Spence, yes I still love Haley. I think a part of me always will. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you I hope you know that.”
Spencer smiled sadly, “Yes Aaron I know that. I don’t know why it’s hit me so hard.” His frown deepened as he tried to make sense of his feelings.
“Because you never want to forget her.”
Spencer was asleep and Aaron was awake watching him. Spencer’s face was relaxed for once in sleep his boyish features stood out even more. Aaron ached to run his fingers through Spencer’s hair but he didn’t want to wake him. It was so rare that either of them got a full night’s sleep that he didn’t want to ruin it for Spencer. When the sheet moved and much of Spencer’s body was revealed to him Aaron’s breath was taken from him at that moment. His hands ghosted over the milky white skin, but he didn’t touch though he really wanted to.
Aaron’s eyes lingered on the bruises and bite marks he had left from the night before. He was always taken aback at just how passionate his husband was which in turn loosened up his own inhibitions. He’d never felt such passion with anyone, not even Haley. He had to admit, even if it was only to himself his life with Haley was pretty vanilla. Sometimes, like now, he speculated on how different his life might have been if he had met someone like Spencer first. She had never wanted him to leave marks and he often had to hold back. He wondered if that was one reason he pulled away from her. He was never allowed to bruise her or mark her in any way and it frustrated him at times. But he loved her enough to hold back, at least in the early years of their marriage.
Spencer woke to see Aaron staring at him and he smiled sleepily, “What are you thinking?”
“About you,” Aaron finally touched his hair.
“And what about me?” He playfully asked.
“That you’ll always be mine.” He said as he took possession of Spencer’s mouth and body, and Spencer let him.
Rossi could tell that Spencer and Aaron were still angry over their last case. The unsub had been targeting homosexual couples and the Bellevue, Nebraska police didn’t help the situation. Only a few on the force acted like they cared. The rampant homophobia put the couple on edge, though they stayed professional.
“Are you guys alright?” Rossi asked as he sat down.
Spencer and Aaron linked hands and sighed deeply, “We will be.” Aaron told his friend.
“You know that it doesn’t matter to any of us, right? We see how happy both of you are. My god if anyone deserves to be happy it’s you two.” Rossi looked at them with compassion and understanding.
Morgan came and sat beside the older man, “Hey don’t let what happened back there get to you. For those that matter, we’re here for you.” He reached across the table and put his hand over theirs in a show of support.
“I just don’t understand, I never have,” Spencer said quietly. He leaned over and put his head on Aaron’s shoulder.
“Neither do I. It shouldn’t matter who you love but for some reason, there are those that hate anything that’s different.” He looked pointedly at Aaron knowing how hard he worked to keep his temper in check.
Aaron sighed deeply, “Thank you, Dave, it ah, it means a lot from all of you.” The glare was in place but there was no heat behind it. Everyone knew he was trying to keep his emotions in check.
All of a sudden JJ starts singing, “And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,”
Then Morgan and Kate, “Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake.”
“Taylor Swift, really guys?” Aaron laughs.
“Made you smile,” JJ smiles wide at her two favorite people.
Aaron was rarely alone so when Spencer decided to take the kids to the science museum he declined to go. He said that it would be nice to have a few hours alone and Spencer understood. So Spencer bundled the kids up, herded them out the door and left Aaron to his own devices.
Aaron tried to concentrate on some paperwork but he couldn’t. He made himself a light breakfast ate it while reading the paper, cleaned up and just stood there. The silence should have been comforting. Should have made him feel at peace, let him breathe, but it didn’t. He felt the silence was deafening.
He put on the game and tried to watch but couldn’t. He then put on a movie but had a hard time concentrating. He grabbed a book off the shelf and tried to read, but couldn’t. He went out to the garage and started puttering around working on some forgotten projects, but gave up halfway through all of them. The yard was tidy from the previous weekend so he couldn’t do that. The house was clean, he and Spencer tried to keep it that way every day. He was feeling out of sorts.
He grabbed his keys and a book and drove to their favorite coffee shop, got a cup and sat down in the corner with the book but just sat and stared at it. Then he took a walk, window shopping but that interested him even less than everything else.
He picked up some lunch and made his way back home. Once inside he ate almost mechanically.
When the door opened and his family walked in he smiled wide.
“What’s that look for,” Spencer asked.
“I find I don’t like being alone.” He said as he kissed his husband.
Aaron and Spencer were sitting in the backyard relaxing watching their kids play with friends. Spencer had a smile on his face and he started chuckling.
Aaron looked over at his husband with raised brows, “What is so funny?”
“The Reid-effect,” He looks over at Aaron and chuckles again. “I think it’s pretty much broken.” He says as one of the kids runs over to the two men, unafraid of either of them.
“Do you want to play chess, Mr. Spencer?” The little girl named Britt asked enthusiastically.
“Sure, you know where the board is,” He smiled after her.
“Spencer I think it was pretty much broken when JJ put Henry in your arms. Then of course there’s Jack.” Aaron smiled wide.
“I know it’s just funny that I was so afraid of children, especially when I first started. Gideon,” His conversation stopped for a moment as he thought about his old mentor, “He ah, he always tried to get me over it.” He said quietly as he got up and went over to the chessboard being set up by Britt.
Aaron closed his eyes for a moment and wondered if Spencer would always feel this sadness when it came to Gideon. He supposed it was better than his anger.
Aaron watched as Spencer patiently showed Britt some new chess moves. She was quite a fast learner and in no time she was thinking several moves ahead. It reminded Aaron of how Gideon was with Spencer in the beginning, and he wondered, not for the first time, where it all went wrong.
After a few minutes, all the children had surrounded Spencer and he was smiling again, letting them touch him. When he looked back at Aaron the smile on his face made Aaron fall in love all over again.
“MORGAN,” Yelled Aaron as he held the wound on Spencer closed, “I need help.”
Morgan ran over to see that Aaron was trying to staunch the flow of blood. “We got Terrance Michaels,” Morgan told him as he dropped next to Spencer.
“Where are the EMT’s” Hotch yelled angrily. There was so much blood and Aaron was having trouble keeping it together.
“Sir, you have to let go,” An EMT next to him said quietly.
Aaron didn’t move, he was paralyzed, “Sir, if you want us to help him you have to let go.” Aaron looked up at the EMT, tears were streaming down his face. The tech laid a gentle hand on his shoulder as another placed his hands on top of Aarons.
“On three, let go,” The tech said gently. Aaron did as he was told and as he fell to the side Morgan was there to catch him.
“Can you tell me what happened?” The tech asked, but all Aaron could see was the blood on his hands. Spencer’s blood was pooling, staining the ring on his left hand.
“The suspect was lying in wait when Dr. Reid got to the side of the house, he jumped out and stabbed slicing through his vest,” Morgan told the tech.
Later at the hospital, Aaron kept looking at his hands. They were clean but all he kept seeing was Spencer’s blood.
“Aaron,” His head shot up at the gruff voice, “I messed up.” Spencer joked, trying to smile at his husband.
Aaron shot out of the chair and kissed him, “You scared me.”
“Sorry.” Spencer raised a hand and laid it on Aaron’s cheek.
“I love you,” Aaron’s voice was full of his fear. Spencer fell back to sleep and Aaron went and washed his hands yet again.
“Aaron stop hovering,” Spencer was getting frustrated with his husband. He had been home for a week from the hospital and Aaron kept hovering. He had taken some time off to help Spencer while he healed.
“I know, I’m sorry,” Memories and fears had surfaced. He knew he was overcompensating and knew how independent Spencer could be when hurt or sick.
Spencer heard that little something in Aaron’s voice that let him know just how scared Aaron was. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to snap. I know how afraid you were and I know you just want to take care of me.” He sighed as he laid his head back on the couch.
“It’s okay,” Aaron ran his fingers through Spencer’s hair and bent to kiss him. Just then the door opened and Jack and Sarah Jane were home from school. Jack ran up and carefully hugged Spencer before running into his room. Sarah Jane however hovered near. She had been scared that her Papa wasn’t coming back.
Spencer looked up and saw her standing there, “Come here sweetie,” He held out his arms and she tentatively went to him. “Sweetheart are you okay?” Spencer asked his daughter.
“I was so scared, Papa. When Daddy said you were hurt,” She leaned in and cried. Spencer pulled her close and held her tight.
“I’m so sorry Sarah Jane. I never want to make you sad.” He kissed the top of her head.
“Don’t leave me, Papa,” She held on tight as she cried harder.
“I’m not going to leave you, I promise.” He closed his eyes hoping that he could keep that promise.
Aaron sat on the other side of Sarah Jane and sat close to her, “Honey I will always protect you’re Papa.” He grabbed Spencer’s hand and held on.
Spencer’s recovery was taking longer than he thought. Part of the problem was the pain, he was only on high-dose Motrin. There was something he hadn’t told Aaron and he felt a slight shame. The hospital had screwed up when he first came out of the anesthesia. They gave him a morphine drip.
The Doctor hadn’t gotten his records quickly enough and Aaron wasn’t in the room when it happened. When Spencer figured it out he yelled at the Doctor and they quickly changed his medication, but he didn’t tell Aaron. He knew his husband would yell at the whole staff and not just the doctor. Unfortunately, this posed a problem. Spencer’s craving for Dilaudid was just there on the edge of his pain. He hadn’t called his sponsor and he knew he should.
Aaron came home early because he was worried about Spencer. When he didn’t see him in the living room he went to see if his husband was resting. Aaron found him on their bed shaking and crying. Aaron immediately worried.
Aaron shed his coat, tie, and shoes laid down next to Spencer, and carefully wrapped his arms around the younger man.
“Tell me,” was all he said as he stroked Spencer’s hair.
Spencer finally told Aaron, he couldn’t keep it in anymore, “They gave me a morphine drip,” He curled into himself as shame filled his voice, “I’m having trouble, Aaron.” He cried harder.
Aaron closed his eyes cursing the hospital. “Spencer, it wasn’t your fault. We’ll get through this.” He held on tighter.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Spencer turned and buried his head in Aaron’s chest.
“It’s not your fault. You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m here I’ll always be here.” He kissed his husband softly and held him tight.
Spencer was back at work and everyone was hovering. He knew Aaron wasn’t the only one who had been afraid. When he saw the tin of cookies he smiled and knew they were from Garcia. The coffee from his favorite shop was from Morgan, the robot construction kit was from Kate, the dinner reservations were from Rossi and the book was from JJ.
Spencer smiled as he sat down at his desk.
“Guys really, I’m fine,” He started to say.
“Reid, indulge us, okay?” Kate smiled as she looked at Spencer. “We were all worried, for both of you.” A bit of sadness crossed her eyes as she thought of her sister.
“Henry cried all night, he thought…” JJ didn’t want to finish her statement because it broke her heart to think of what might have happened to her little brother.
“Jayje,” He said softly as he walked to her, bent down and gave her a hug. “I love you,” He whispered in her ear.
She pulled back and smiled, their friendship repairing that much more, “I love you to Spencer. Don’t scare me like that again.” She grabbed his hand and held it.
He sat back down and started to work on his stack of consults. He was deep in concentration when a coffee mug was put in front of him.
“How’s the first day back?” Aaron asked with a softer than normal expression.
“Everyone keeps hovering. I know they care but,” He looked up at Aaron, “They’re hovering. Almost as bad as you,” He chuckled.
“They were scared, almost as much as I was.” Aaron frowned to school his emotions.
“I know,” Spencer smiled softly, “I guess it’s what families do.” He looked over at Kate and JJ and graced them with one of his boyish smiles.